


Rebecca Bunch is not a good person

by CriticalCXGShipped



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 17:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14170047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CriticalCXGShipped/pseuds/CriticalCXGShipped





	Rebecca Bunch is not a good person

Darryl: Hey Bunky! I mean, I know we're not technically bunkies until you let me order that desk but I just have to say it is SO great to be sharing an office with you Nat! Can I call you Nat? I noticed Mona calls you Nat. I think it's so cute!

Nathaniel: Sure, um, I guess.

Nathaniel was preoccupied by a client email, but he also found his eyes drifting out across the Bunch, Whitefeather, Plimpton x3 office, through the glass door. Should he have asked to have his desk face the window? No, it was really totally ok to be able to see Rebecca cross the office, he was happy with Mona, now, right? He couldn't see the door of the supply closet from here or anything.

Darryl: Is Jim doing dips in his cubicle again? Man! It is super distracting when he does that, I cannot concentrate, it just gets in my field of vision, ya know? All that bobbing up and down!   
Darry puts his hands on his face and gasps.  
Darryl: Oh! I am so sorry, you probably wanted your desk to face the window!   
Nathaniel makes a dismissive gesture: No it's fine!

Darryl: I can move you know, soon I'm going to be staring at my beautiful mulatto/Jewy baby and won't notice anything else! I can say mulatto and Jewy, right? Now that my daughter, I mean, whoever they are, son or whatever, now that they are mixed race, part black, part white, part Jew, part Chippawa? Oh my gosh…

As Darryl shifted to a tangent about Jewishness and legal talent coming from Rebecca, Nathaniel excused himself to the break room for afternoon tea, picking up his cup.

Across the kitchenette, Paula was sitting at one of the tables, studying with a donut on a plate next to her, she had taken a bite, but was engrossed in a large book and was scribbling quotes into her notebook. She also had a stack of photocopies, a tablet and memory cards arranged around her near the Sugar Face donut box. 

Nathaniel looked longingly at the coffee creamer, remembering the sight of Rebecca's manicured hand grasping it. She had worn that dress again a few days before. He shuddered in an attempt to suppress memories of the smell of her hair, the feel of her lips and the sound of her sultry voice, murmuring filthy modifications of J.K Rowling in his ear. He remembered removing the lipstick from his face, neck, and, other places. 

Paula: Hey, Nathaniel, I don't think you're meant to put creamer in cup a soup.

Nathaniel looked down at his 100% fat free chicken soup and blanched at the curdled drink.

Paula: Are you ok, boss? I've been kinda busy studying for this final sent from the depths of hell, but, things are ok with you, right? 

Paula looked up from her work and took in his morose face. Nathaniel adjusted his face and smiled.   
Nathaniel: Yeah, things are great with Mona. Work is so much quieter and calmer now that Rebecca and I are, you know, done. 

Paula: Oh yeah, she's one for the drama.

Paula looked kindly at Nathaniel and opened the box of donuts, forgetting for a moment that he only ate them when people weren't looking and pretended that someone else ate the custard filled ones. She noticed something and stopped for a moment.

Nathaniel: What? 

Paula: Oh, nothing, just, Rebecca usually eats the pink iced donuts, but there are still 4 of those that I bought on my way to work this morning, has she even been in today?

Nathaniel: Oh, I wouldn't even notice, I mean, I did see that she is wearing a black dress today, but only because, um…. So, yes, I guess you could say she is in.   
Nathaniel tried to look casual and uninterested, but as usual, his face gave him away.

Paula: Hmm, (Paula raises her eyebrows) I hope she's ok. I even think I saw the salad she bought got eaten today, every bite, and it was one of those really bad ones with iceberg lettuce.

Nathaniel: God! The closest she usually gets to salad is the garnish on her fries

Nathaniel's eyes widened. He tipped his cup down the sink, put it in the dishwasher and sat down opposite Paula, leaning forward.

Paula: Come to think of it, she looks pretty down, I have been so busy, but she doesn't seem herself lately.

Nathaniel: I thought she was really happy, you know, with Turtleneck boy? What's his name? 

Paula: Oh Trent! Oh, no way, that's not anything like….I mean, he just sleeps at the foot of her bed and he's gone back now, to… wherever Trent goes. 

Paula looked up with a grimace, she didn't like to think of just what Trent was doing right now after seeing the disturbing contents of his storage locker. 

Nathaniel's face changed rapidly, and he stood up without thinking.

Nathaniel: So why didn't she tell me, when I told her that I had moved on after seeing her with him, that this was nothing? Could she be lying? Could she really love Trent and just wants you to think otherwise?

Paula shuddered: Oh no, no way. Maybe she just wants you to be happy. (realization dawns on Paula) Oh my god! I shouldn't have told you that. Pretend I didn't say anything!

Nathaniel gets up, strides out of the break room and reached Rebecca's office in 6 paces. 

Paula: Wait! Stop!

Rebecca was on the phone.

Rebecca: Yes, of course, Stacey, I'll be sure to add that to the brief, that the baby verbally abused you and refused to be quiet when repeatedly warned and even failed to listen to the police, yes, sure….

Nathaniel tapped on the door, swung it open and closed it behind him with force.   
Nathaniel: Can I talk to you?  
Rebecca: Hold on, Stacey, yep, just email it all to me, we'll set this court date. What? Oh you're just talking to the baby, well, yes, you tell them where to go.

Rebecca hung up and turned to Nathaniel listlessly.

Nathaniel: Rebecca, why didn't you tell me there was nothing going on with Trent?

Rebecca: Oh! (She laughs sarcastically), well, because it was Nunya

Nathaniel: What?

Rebecca: Nunya damn business, that's what!

Nathaniel: (getting angry, pulling at his collar and pacing) None of my business! And what about that text asking me if I was home and then leaving me waiting in the hallway like a stupid puppy dog? Well, actually, after spending some time with White Josh's dog, I realise dogs are actually very intelligent, did you know that Max can tell the difference between a charity mugger and a friend by the sound of their knock? 

Rebecca: looking resigned) What does it matter? ( throwing up her hands) I can't have you any way you slice it. If you're with me and happy, if you're with Mona but sleeping with me, if we work together, if we work in separate offices. I will ruin it, I ruin everything. I don't deserve you to love me as much as you do, frankly it's kind of irritating how good you are to me. 

Nathaniel's face grew more and confused, tilting on different angles, licking his lips and trying to say something in response. 

Rebecca: I mean, why would you even like me! I'm garbage! When I found out you were with Mona I was so filled with rage and jealousy, well and a double dose of hormones and a lot of chocolate - anyway, I was so miserable and irrationally obsessed with you that I got on the dark web and ordered a hit on Mona. 

Nathaniel paused for a second, his jaw dropped.

Nathaniel: You did what!

Rebecca: This was months ago, I cancelled it the next morning when I woke up but when the guy I was negotiating with offered to break her legs I suggested a whole lot more. I am not a good person Nathaniel, I am the worst, I am garbage.

Nathaniel: (stammering) but when you wanted to destroy Josh Chan, you made me reverse it. I said you had the heart of a weak, dying kitten, you said that was why you needed me to think of something truly terrible. Are you telling me that you had the hutspa to find a hit man?

Rebecca: Don't use Jewy words! You're still watching Seinfeld?

Nathaniel: Curb your enthusiasm, Larry David is hysterical (laughs, distracted for a moment)

Rebecca: Does not even *this* bother you? Draco Malfoy?

Nathaniel: I thought that the um, you know, sorting hat said I would have been a HufflePuff if I spent less time trying to please my WASPy dad?

Rebecca: But you don't Nathaniel, and I spend so much time desperately trying to convince myself that I am a good person and only did bad things because I was in love. But what kind of person in love has an affair with someone with a girlfriend for months after ordering a hit on that same, innocent girl?

Nathaniel: (quietly) you did cancel it.

Rebecca: You know that's not the point, and it's not enough. I'm going to turn myself in to the police today.


End file.
